This “happiness practice” comes from Robert Holden’s “Happiness Now” book, and is grounded in the concept that there is significant healing and happiness potential in the offering loving, kind and encouraging words. In other words paying someone a compliment.
This “therapy” is applied in a three part process.
The first stage:
Write down five compliments that you would most like to hear from someone else. They could for example, “highlight a particular quality, talent, skill or value that is dear to you.”
Once you have the written down the second phase of this first stage is to read them out loud to yourself. This second phase is important, as Robert explains, “Because often what we want to hear from others is what we are currently not saying to ourselves.
The second stage:
In this second stage of the “complimentary medicine therapy” is to think of someone in your life that is past due a sincere compliment form you.
It usually doesn’t take long to think of someone; next decide what you would most like to compliment them for. (Chances are that went you stop and really think about it for a minute, you’ll come up with multiple reasons to compliment them!)
The reasoning behind the action and practice:
Besides it being good fun and making you feel good, you are actually fulfilling one of your life’s purposes, which is to be loving, and “whatever you compliment in another person you are strengthening in yourself, also.”
Complements, like kindness and gratitude, simultaneously benefit the giver and the receiver and according to Holden (and a great many wisdom teachers) one of the best ways to strengthen a positive quality in ourselves to see it in others first.
The third stage:
The third stage is a bit of a reversal, instead of thinking of someone else that needs a compliment; you think of a person that you believe who is overdue in paying you a loving compliment.
Again you want to think about it and decide, what would you like to hear most from this person?
Now here comes the twist and the power potential of this phase of the practice. Now you actually make contact with the person and pay them the compliment you want to hear.
Why would you do that?
Because, “often what you’re not getting may be what you are withholding.”
This “complimentary medicine happiness practice” is rooted in what’s understood in the wisdom traditions “the mirror of relationship.” And as Robert Holden says, “other people are you. They are your mirrors. And just as it would be unreasonable to stand before a mirror and demand something you’re not presenting.”
For this practice to be effective you will need to let go of the ego, which is to stop listening for a bit to the little voice in your head, because the ego can only perceive lack and scarcity. Listening to the “authentic” voice of your unconditioned self, you know that what you give multiplies and that giving is receiving. Give what you most desire for yourself is the surest way to abundance.
That’s the promise of the “complimentary medicine happiness practice;” if you want happiness in your life you need to be happiness.